Okay. I've been computerless and 99,999% musicless for the last weeks, so don't think I didn't want to post stuff -- it's just that I couldn't.

The Eurovision Song Contest is upon our powerless bodies, Eliminiation Round #1 was yesterday, and tomorrow is Round #2, where I'm hoping--and sorry for commiting treason--that the miserably sorry ass Icelandic entry will die a horrible death, with smoke, sparkles, and glitter flying all over the place.

See, I kinda like Eurovision (a lot, actually) as it has given me lots and lots of happy times. But the soulless creatures who are planning to "perform" in the name of my country are completely clueless.

So, in order to keep my sanity, here are more great songs from Eurovision past.

Belgium 1987: 11th place out of 22 entries

Liliane Saint-Pierre - Soldiers Of Love
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Liliane Saint-Pierre is a Flemish megastar. She released a bunch of albums, and during her career she performed with Roy Orbison, Jimi Hendrix, and The Bee Gees. Hot mama indeed. This song was her second attempt at the Eurovision, uu, statue? Crown? Gold plated mic? (I have no idea...that's weird).

But what's not weird? This song. Keywords: Nice. Powerful. Dramatic. Durudduddu synth stabs. And Soldiers of Love.

Denmark 1981: 11th place out of 20 entries

Tommy Seebach & Debbie Cameron - Krøller Eller Ej
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In case you don't have your Danish down (I mean the language, not the crusty deliciousness) I wanted to tell you 'Krøller Eller Ej' means 'Curly Hair Or Not' (but the internet told me that the song was performed as 'Straight or Curly Hair'. Whatever).

Debbie Cameron is American-Danish, and hopefully hopefully she speaks English with a thick Danish accent, because that is the funniest thing in the world. She is most famous for singing this song. Which is a lot.

Tommy Seebach is pure Danish. He competed a total of 8 times, winning three times, almost beating Johnny Logan as the Eurovision Hot Boy.

I love the lyrics:

Straight or curly hair,
We love our children so.
May there eyes be brown or blue,
Love your children too.

"Simple plea for racial harmony", according to the 1981 announcer. Word, my Danish brother.

Okay, now for the drama: I think this song shows how getting too worried about the format of Eurovision can sometimes push songwriters into poking the song the wrong way. In other (much simpler) words: apart from the chorus, this song has so many juicy elements, but totally looses it the moment the chorus kicks in, dontcha think? Starts like a disco powerhouse, building up to the chorus...which is total crap. I almost did not post this, but like I said, there's a lesson to be learned.

The video makes it a lil' better.

p.s. Debbie dear, next time, try not spreading your thighs all the way, mmkay?

Belgium 1983: 18th place out of 19 entries

Pas De Deux - Rendez-Vous
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This is one of my favorite Eurovision songs, ever.

Weird and so good so good! Could be something from Alexander Robotnick's Fuzz Dance label, or Ze Records, but no, it's Belgian Eurovision oddness that everyone hated. See my comment above about the clueless Icelandic contestants? They'd have given this 0 points. Remember: clueless.

But we are not clueless, which is why we love Pas De Deux. I give them The Golden Merkat of Eurovision.

The band released a few 7" and a LP, and have had songs on various compilations released over the years, but they are mostly famous for this Eurovision disaster, a precious favorite of mine.

Just like this song, their performance was amazing, too!

If only the today's competition was full of this kind of greatness.